Last August I realized I was tail spinning with my depression and anxiety going out of control. I have been on this journey long enough to know it and get help.
I already see an amazing counselor helping me deal with variety of issues. I already was exercising regularly but something still seemed off. I have been a leader in Celebrate Recovery and Delta another recovery group my church offers. Although I have stepped out of leadership role I do still have my training. I asked myself and a trusted friend what she thought about me going to get medicine (along with my counselor). It is what I would have suggested to someone else. Both suggested I give it a couple of weeks to see if it stuck or if it would pass. My counselor said if it hadn’t by my next appointment in two weeks she would recommend I do it. I thought and prayed and just made the appointment. I did not wait.
The medicine made me feel off and sick but I stuck with taking and talking to my doctor about it and my counselor. Eventually the side effects went away. After side effects went away I started my exercise back up. But then we found the growth on my thyroid and the whirlwind of tests that led to surgery which took half my thyroid and eventually to say I did not have cancer. But I digress let me get back to the other part of my journey. All this took a couple of months and by then my body had adjusted to the medicine and all of a sudden I felt more like me than I had in a long while. Longer back than I realized in August. Guess I had been spinning farther back than I thought.
I started back at my roots of learning to deal with my depression and anxiety which is CR and Delta. I reread the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr. Not the short part that you see everywhere but the full version.
I am afraid all the time and anxious. Yet I find peace in repeating this same prayer everyday. Reminding myself that God was the one in control not me. I could trust Him on this journey.
I have several friends who keep telling me I am so strong and stronger than I think I am. I don’t think I am strong. I know how weak and fragile I am. Any strength I have is totally from God.
I have used this verse to help motivate me in exercising but I am realize all the strength I have is from God. Yes I still have mental illness. Yes I struggle with life but these are two things that have helped me back to a better place.
What helps you? If you need help reach out to those around you. Don’t suffer alone.
Realize you are not alone even if you feel alone.