I have done lots of dealing with past issues in my life. I have been in my recovery group for many years now and in counseling on and off. You have shown yourself to me time and time again. You have been there walking in the darkness with me. You have been faithful to be there even during the times I don’t feel like you are there.
I am in that place again. Where I feel broken deep inside. Fear rises suddenly and forcefully. It overwhelms me when it happens. It comes from a place deep inside me, hidden from most people in the dark corners of my heart and mind.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. Psalm 139: 11-12 (NIV)
I know when I walk into the deep places inside me that seem dark that they are not dark to you. You are the light that shine in the darkest parts of my heart. Help me to trust you in my brokenness. Help me to have courage to walk with you in those dark places.
The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it wasour pains he carried—
our disfigurements, all the things wrong withus.
We thought he brought it on himself,
that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
Through his bruises we get healed.
We’re all like sheep who’ve wandered off and gotten lost.
We’ve all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we’ve done wrong,
on him, on him.
He was beaten, he was tortured,
but he didn’t say a word.
Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered
and like a sheep being sheared,
he took it all in silence.
Justice miscarried, and he was led off—
and did anyone really know what was happening?
He died without a thought for his own welfare,
beaten bloody for the sins of my people.
They buried him with the wicked,
threw him in a grave with a rich man,
Even though he’d never hurt a soul
or said one word that wasn’t true. Isaiah 53:2-9 (The Message)
You have been broken. You know the abuse I suffered. You know the assaults I had happen. You felt the betrayal and brokenness that I feel. You have also provided friends who walk with me through all of this and they still love me and accept me. Help me to depend upon you in my brokenness. Help me to say not my will but yours. Walk with me. Hold me. Give me your courage. Give me your strength.