Worthy of Being HIS Special Girl

Today has been a day of tears and feeling like I am worthless and nothing.  I received a honor at work yesterday, 1st shift associate of the month.  Instead of feeling thrilled, I wonder why I was chosen?  I doubt that I am good enough or do enough or am enough.  I feel worthless and wonder why can even God love me?

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I know God loves me… but so often I doubt it even though I know the truth. I doubt it so often due too so much of the struggles I have had. I have had moments where I feel HIS presence and comfort and love. Other times I don’t at all and feel I am in a waste land.

Imagephoto credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/justintosh/759210960/”>Justin Lowery</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>cc</a>

This is when I rely on scripture and friends to help me through and remembering where I have come from and what God has revealed to me in the past. So often just remembering MY story and the intimate times with him has helped me be able to claim the TRUTH that I am loved by God. It is what is getting me through now when I am once again not feeling like HE is there or loving me. It is helping me connecting with others and their stories.

Reading Psalm 139 over and over and over. Psalm 139 — shows his pursuit and boundless love. Where ever I try to flee and hide myself, God is there. Darkness is not dark to HIM, for he is the light which makes darkness.    Sometimes my head and heart don’t agree…. I often wonder how to make the head knowledge into heart knowledge and the truth is I can’t. It often happens only through spending time with God, being still and letting HIM continue to reveal himself to me. Right now my head and heart are not matching up. But that is where remembering Psalm 139 has helped because I want to just run and hide when I don’t feel it in my heart and I hurt.

Reading Psalm 139 over and over and over. Psalm 139 — shows his pursuit and boundless love. Where ever I try to flee and hide myself, God is there. Darkness is not dark to HIM, for he is the light which makes darkness.  Remembering HIS promises of scripture which is TRUTH.

Sometimes my head and heart don’t agree…. I often wonder how to make the head knowledge into heart knowledge and the truth is I can’t. It often happens only through spending time with God, being still and letting HIM continue to reveal himself to me. Right now my head and heart are not matching up. But that is where remembering Psalm 139 has helped because I want to just run and hide when I don’t feel it in my heart and I hurt.

As I sat at Pertle Springs today, reading my Bible and crying, God saw and heard my heart even when I could not utter a word.  He knows what is going on in my heart better than I do.  He sees me in my darkest hour and darkest corners of my heart, yet he loves me.  I am worthy.  I am HIS SPECIAL GIRL (as Bonnie over at Faith Barista also reminded me today.)  God is here with me… is the TRUTH.  I trust this truth, even when my feelings do not match up.  I was reminded of this today, several times.  I was reminded when my own words, many of them above were emailed back to me by a dear friend, Ann, asking if she can use them in a lesson she will be teaching in a couple of weeks.  (Ann and her husband Ben have a blog here).

I am loved, I am worthy.  I am HIS.

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2 thoughts on “Worthy of Being HIS Special Girl

  1. “I doubt that I am good enough or do enough or am enough. I feel worthless and wonder why can even God love me?” I empathize with you, Katie. And that struggle with the TRUTH in our heads that refuses to go to our hearts. As you said, we have to keep spending time with Him and let HIM continue to reveal Himself. Yes, YOU are HIS SPECIAL GIRL. Love this thought. Thank you for sharing this.

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