I am worthy. I am worthy of spending time for myself. I am worthy of spending money on myself. I am worthy of taking care of myself. I am worthy. I am worthy, all the time!!! Since God showed me my one word for the year, it goes through my mind all the time. So I am trying to take the time to do things that I am worthy of doing.
I am worthy of taking care of me. I took time to schedule the yearly doctor appointments that most women understand. I had avoided and put off the yearly mammogram, but at my doctor appointment I was gently reminded of the importance of it especially with my family history. So I went for my first ever appointment. I received a letter a week later stating that an abnormality was found and I needed to contact my doctor’s office for the results (and it came on a Saturday).
TERROR struck me deep down inside. I called my doctor’s office the next Monday morning early and talked with the staff. They contacted the hospital and got my results. I needed to be retested. My head said all the right things, it could be nothing, just a cyst or calcite deposit or some dense tissue. Yet deep inside I was thinking cancer without saying anything. I told my husband. He said the sweetest and most guy thing in the world, “You would still be the most beautiful women in the world to me even if you no longer have your breasts.” (His mind had jumped to the extreme, mine had not).
I talked to some people got them praying and emailed or private messaged on Facebook to please pray. I have had lots of support. I calmed down and prayed the Serenity Prayer everyday. Finally the retesting took place. It still showed something, so right then and there they gave me an ultrasound, instead of making me have another appointment. This hospital gave me my results right there that day. NO CANCER!! I have cyst and have to have it looked at again in six months. For me it is a CELEBRATION! Praising God!!! My heart still prays for those I know who haven’t gotten this good news.
I am worthy of taking a day off and celebrating ME. I made an appointment to get my haircut and styled. I just told them I was out celebrating. I was planning on leaving it there, but they wanted to know so I told them, I found out NO CANCER!!! My stylist, refused payment. I still tried to pay. The owner came over and said no it is our treat. I was blessed by the kindness of others, so I just thanked them. So then I took myself to my favorite place to eat. I enjoyed a couple of pots of tea with good soup and sandwich, while I read my book.
I went to the lake and got out my Bible study and worked on it for a bit. I soon started to cry. Tears of relief, tears of shame, tears of unworthiness. I did not deserve to be spared of having cancer, it is only by God’s grace. I did not deserve to be treated to a haircut and style. I did not deserve to have friends love me enough to pray for me, but they did anyway. I did not deserve any of the above. But God said to my heart, YOU ARE. You are worthy, my dear one. You are always. I heard the song Overcomer by Mandesa on the radio. The tears came harder as I realized at this moment this song was for me.
I am worthy of being loved by others. I took time to reach out and let people know I needed some prayer and support and I got it. I had several friends praying. I now have several friends who are rejoicing with me. And more than friendships, I have my dear husband who has been there through all of my ups, downs, tears, fears, yelling, praying, praising, rejoicing. I am loved and I am worthy of it, from friends, from family and from God! Yet even if I had received bad news, I still would have been worthy. I would have been surround by them loving me. Even if I had bad news God would still have been there and I would still have loved him.
Today I learned relaxing and pampering myself are good for my soul. Sitting by the lake being quiet and doing my Bible Study is good for my soul. As I sit here and type this tears are silently streaming down my face. I AM worthy of doing what is good for me, always.
What are you learning? What is God teaching you?