For several years now I have had a one word or one thing that I have thought God was leading me to think about and learn. Last year it was Letting Go. As I look back over this last year of letting go, I see so much of what I have let go of. I have let go of some fears, while still struggling with other fears. I have let go of friendships, in person as friends have moved away. Yet they are my Grace Friends and I cherish the times spent together. I have also reached out and found new friends. I have let go of a dream. I have a new job which I continue to learn.
In many ways I have failed to Let Go, and Trust God. I have struggled with many fears and continue to struggle and hold onto them. I don’t know how to let go. I wrestle with fears every day. Fear of my husband dying. Fear of abandonment. Fear of how the bills will be paid. Fear of failure. Fear of trusting others with my heart. Fear of so many things, I can’t think of all of them at this moment.
Yet through the fear I still see God providing. We have paid bills that I have no idea how they have been paid. We have arranged small payments on some and others the money was provided. I found full time work in the bakery, one way we have been able to met some of the bills. I have told others my heart and they have prayed and cried with me through the difficult times. I have often been angry with God through this process. I have told him that I was angry. So even when I haven’t totally let go… I have still trusted God, even when I am angry.
I have been praying for what my “one thing” is for the new year and don’t have an answer yet. Maybe I will continue with Letting Go and Trusting God. He has done that where I have kept the same thing for more than one year. For now I will continue as I am with letting go and trusting God.
How are you trusting God? What have you learned this last year?