Blue Christmas

My church does something called Blue Christmas.  I have had some trouble the last several years wanting to celebrate Christmas and be joyful and happy.  I was just blue and sad and couldn’t tell you why when I first went.  I was just starting my journey of looking inside myself and figuring out my emotions.   It was a safe place to go and be sad when the world around me was being happy and I wasn’t.  I found it was place to be real.  

Every year since I first went I find another reason to go.  This has been a hard year of loss for me: job loss, loss of beloved Aunt, loss of step-grandmother.  I found out that I am having to work this Friday when it is happening.  I had asked for the day off, but working retail this time of year it is hard to get off.  I talked to my manager.  I am going to take an long lunch break and be able to go.  It makes my heart swell to know that I can go and be real among trusted friends.  

I am going to go and grieve the losses of this last year.  I am going to go and be real when the world says have a smile on your face and pretend everything is all right.  Stress of my husband’s chronic illness  has had me in tear and not sleeping right this past week.  Yet I go day by day into a world of retail and put a smile on my face wishing others a Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays.  

I am looking forward to Blue Christmas this year.  Sharing my heart with others and hearing them share their hearts is a joy all on its own.  It is true worship to me.  It is worshiping a Savior who is there for us when life is painful and full of sorrow.  Tears are just as much an act of worship as praying or singing can be.  

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2 thoughts on “Blue Christmas

    1. We have a time of worship where you can sit/stand, cry or sing or all of the above. There is a lesson on grief where some shares their journey of grief. Then we have an open mike time where if you want you can go up and share your own story, no more than five minutes. After we have some refreshments and time to talk with one another and support one another. I ended up not having to work at all due to my husband’s heart condition we were in the hospital, so I called into work that day. We got home an hour before Blue Christmas started and I went and cried and cried my stress out. It was nice to be among friends that just let me cry and listened afterwards.

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